the desire to be famous


me as an 8 year old in san diego/la jolla california where i was born and lived till age 9)

i love this madonna song about trading fame for love. i have this disease of wanting to be famous and thinking if only i was famous then i would feel loved and appreciated and connected and seen. VALID. POWERFUL. i remember seeing shirley temple in movies as a little girl in san diego and wanting to be her! i wanted to be loved and appreciated and paid attention to and watched like shirley temple was. to be taken seriously and thought of as important- and also i wanted to be free of being so shy!

drowned world/substitute for love
by madonna (from the album ray of light)

I traded fame for love
Without a second thought
It all became a silly game
Some things cannot be bought

I got exactly what I asked for
Wanted it so badly
Running, rushing back for more
I suffered fools
So gladly

And now I find
I've changed my mind

The face of you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love
Should I wait for you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love

I traveled round the world
Looking for a home
I found myself in crowded rooms
Feeling so alone

I had so many lovers
Who settled for the thrill
Of basking in my spotlight
I never felt
So happy

The face of you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love
Should I wait for you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love
Mmmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Oh oh oh ohh

Famous faces, far off places
Trinkets I can buy
No handsome stranger, heady danger
Drug that I can try
No ferris wheel, no heart to steal
No laughter in the dark
No one night stand, no far off land
No fire that I can spark
Mmmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

The face of you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love
Mmmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Should I wait for you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love

Now I find I've changed my mind

This is my religion
________________________________
i doubt my desire to be famous will ever go away- but i do hope i can find loving relationships with human beings in my personal life and keep on expressing myself in the public way that i do. i will always want to communicate outward into the world through the media.

but sometimes it's not satisfying to my heart and feels like i am trying to squeeze blood out of a stone...

me with my dads guitar as a little kid in anaheim california.
more kid pics of me here:
http://www.shannonkringen.com/kidshannon.htm

may i learn to achieve more success in my career as multi media aRtist and model AND may i learn to love more in my personal life. may i be more careful with my boundaries and who i choose to open up to. say yes and no carefully shannon! i am so shy in some ways and so bold in other ways. so open yet so closed.

i am happy i will be meeting these lovely aRtist/bodypainting people in lupin california this summer when i attend the naturist gathering near the santa cruz mountains...i'll be staying in my own yurt!
http://www.livingbrush.com/
http://www.foxymoxy.com/
http://www.myspace.com/foxymoxy_livingbrush
http://www.scottfray.com/

keep learning, shannon